Thursday, January 7, 2016

One Side of My Family



*****

This musical photo album is dedicated to "one side of my family". The people in this album are my children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, and my first x-wife. They are very dear to me, but I do not know them. That is, I have tried since 1972 to be a part of this family. Way back then things were not working. By 1978 I had become a full blown alcoholic.  I had no real employment profession. I lived in a city where I did not belong. I was in deep depression. I felt I had become unwelcome (and I had), and for good reason. But, most of all I was afraid that I would physically hurt my family. And, yes, I often contemplated suicide. And, I left.

It took a few years, but I settled into the over the road truck driving profession. I sewed some wild oats, but I also tried to get back to see my family as often as possible, which was not often enough. Finally, several years later I remarried, and we started another family. That marriage too, was a failure. However, I had sobered up, and started growing up. On July 3rd, 1993 I attended (by shear accident) a rock concert in Dallas. That concert started be on the long road out of depression. After many, many, many, years I finally began to realize how people in my life only seemed to want me around when they needed money. I will be 67 years old in a few days. It was less than 8 years ago that I came to the realization that I am the only person I can or should depend on for my happiness. And, I finally learned the correct use of the two most powerful words in the English language, yes and no. Without going into deeper detail that is the next to the last time I spoke with my children from my first x-wife.

Maybe they are better off without me. Even though there has not been a day go by in my life that I have not longed for contact with each of my now grown 4 children (2 from each x-wife) I have not beg for affection, and I will not go where I am not wanted or where I do not belong. I have not done so since 1978. But, that does not stop me from loving them, missing them all day, every day, and praying that they all have good lives.

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