Good advice for anyone dealing with Oppositional Defiance Disorder: You have come to the conclusion that you cannot change him or his situation. You must continue to disassociate yourself from him, otherwise you will be doing yourself a great deal of damage. I know that this is hard for you but through the training I have had on disassociative behavior, he cannot be changed. He is a person who goes through life causing chaos, does not take ownership of anything he does and has absolutely no remorse or feelings for anyone but himself!
I received this statement from a long-lost schoolmate. Unless you have had to deal with ODD you cannot imagine the pain it causes. If you are lucky your child will survive. Your child will be grown and gone, and still be oblivious to the damage they have done. And you will still be a mental basket case. And, you will realize that it will never end. But, you will deal with it.
Need help? Start here: http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/children_with_oppositional_defiant_disorder